White Supremacy Paternalism the Foundation of Race Relations and Black Approval Seeking Behavior - Our Need to Have Validation From the Oppressor, Its a Shame!

by Kenny Anderson

One key aspect of white supremacy is ‘paternalism’ the originating relationship from the slave plantation that Blacks both young and old were property defined, viewed, and treated as slave children of the slave master ‘white godfather’ (creator and destroyer). 

In the paternalistic society of the plantation the white male slave owners were the godlike fathers of their families and all of their slaves and their white wives were the slaves mothers.

On the plantation grown enslaved Blacks were ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ and if they were thought to be ‘super-loyal’ they were at best called ‘uncle’ and ‘aunt’; indeed grown enslaved children needed approval from their slave parents at all times!

The white slave-holding parents determined who were ‘good niggers’ (approved) and ‘bad niggers’ (disapproved). The white racist paternalists use the Bible as the text for Black approval seeking behavior - 'God approved slavery and disapproved disobeying the slave-master'.

Black folks are still viewed as dependent grown-children today and white fathers and mothers still knows what’s best in every aspect of our lives; they authorize, legitimize, credential, certify, verify, sanctify, employ, and approve us! White paternalism dictates what Black leaders we should follow; white paternalism knows best how we should even bury are dead!

White Paternalism and Aretha Franklin’s Funeral

Aretha Franklin’s funeral what was meant to be a final tribute to the Queen of Soul however it was labeled controversial by white paternalism media because it was disapproved.

The so-called controversies ranged from Bishop Charles H. Ellis III alleged groping of Ariana Grande and his 'Taco Bell' comment, Louis Farakahn being present on the stage, speakers highlighting racism – criticizing president Trump, to the eulogy of Rev. Jasper Williams, Jr.’s sermon about 'Black America Losing Its Soul'.

White paternalism wanted an approved funeral to focus solely on Aretha Franklin as the ‘Queen of Soul’, for whites she was 'their girl' so just focus on her amazing voice that entertained them; ex-president Bill Clinton said one of the main reasons he came to the funeral was he wanted to see what type of sharp clothes 'his girl' was buried in; whites didn’t want to hear anything ‘disapproved’ about Aretha Franklin the ‘Soul-Sista’ who supported the Black struggle against racism.

The white paternalists wanted to preapprove the Black folks who could attend Aretha's funeral. White paternalism was particularly outraged that Louis Farakahn was present at Aretha’s funeral despite the fact he knew her for over 30 years; they were outraged that Farrakhan was given a position of prominence sitting next to ex-president Bill Clinton.

White paternalism and some Black women did not like some of the comments from Jasper Williams eulogy; Williams was blasted because be said Black mothers could not fully raise their sons to be Black men; he was blasted for misogyny, bigotry, and the perpetuation of false science on race.

White liberal paternalists blasted Williams for blaming integration and the civil rights movement for ripping the heart out of Black micro-economies that once relied on Black-owned small businesses such as grocery stores, hotels, and banks.

What must become crystal-clear to Black folks from birth to death is that white paternalism - white liberals, white conservatives, white socialists, white pastors, white gays, white feminists, white anybody knows what’s best for us! Everybody and their mama had something to say about Aretha Franklin’s funeral - so did every race.

When whites have funerals, when Arabs have funerals, when Asians have funerals, when East Indians have funerals, and when Hispanics have funerals Black folks don’t really have nothing to say about how these funerals are conducted and who attends!

When whites bury their celebrities Black folks don’t really have nothing to say! Black folks didn’t really have nothing to say about republican senators John McCain’s funeral! Black folks aint gone have nothing to say about how Burt Reynolds funeral is going to be conducted!

White Paternalism and Black Approval Seeking Behavior

As Black folks are whole life since slavery we’ve been forcibly socialized and propagandized by white paternalism to seek their approval. Whether we want to admit it or not approval seeking is deep-seated in our minds and souls. This need for white approval is strong - it’s a self-limiting driving force in us; when we aren’t met with white approval we don’t feel accepted, safe, and protected.

I constantly hear many Black folks preface “I don’t want to sound racist” when addressing Black specific issues especially when whites are around; this preface really is an ‘apology’ to avoid whites disapproval, ridicule, or rejection; in so many instances we've become Black 'apologists' who continue to 'back-peddle' and 'moon-walk'!

Black approval seeking behavior is a need for ‘white validation’ which constantly erodes our self-worth, self-confidence, and self-determination. Black approval seeking behavior helps us to avoid seeing and addressing racist white oppression; it temporarily helps us cover up the unpleasantness of racism; this cover-up and denial tends to be distressing producing injurious health problems like hypertension and ulcers. Black approval seeking behavior results in shame-based living.

Approval Seeking Behavior and Shame-Based Living

Often today when I visit family, relatives, and friends and bring up any discussion of racist Black oppression, folks get immediately uncomfortable and defensive, some will even say I don’t want to talk about ‘that Black stuff’, some are even harsher saying I don’t want to hear that ‘Black shit’. I tell them you don’t want to talk about Black stuff because whites disapprove of it; but you talk about white approved Black shit like gossip and sports.

I tell them that you won’t hear white people say I don’t want to hear that 'white stuff' when it comes to their issues; you won’t hear Middle Easterners say I don’t want to hear that ‘Arab shit’. This attitude of 'not trying to hear no Black stuff' is shameful; shame in the sense of not addressing the varied problematic socioeconomic issues that we face due to racism; shame of not being responsible to ourselves; shame of not doing what we should be doing.

Unconsciously, Black folks are ashamed ‘covering up' - avoiding discussing their experiences with racism in the present or past; the roots of the word shame derives from a word that means ‘to cover’. Black shame is similar to wanting to hide our faces behind our hands, wearing a mask desperately trying to 'escape' from dealing with racism or 'pretending' that everything is okay. The more powerful our experiences of shame are, the more we need to hide those aspects from others and even from ourselves.

You won’t find 'disorders of shame' as a category in the DSM-5 (the official American manual for mental health diagnoses), and yet shame is probably the biggest single driving cause of most Black psychological problems - an ongoing source influence of 'internalize oppression'.

Excessive feelings of shame are at the heart of much Black psychopathology. It is concealed behind guilt; it fosters low self-esteem; it lurks behind anger; it fuels Black-on-Black violence; it can be disguised as despair and depression; its demoralizing and breeds apathy; it influences addictions and suicides.

Many Black people with shame develop an obsession with becoming someone other than who they are 'wanting to be white approved' – being validated in some form or fashion. Their entire life becomes a flight from self and a desire to merge with the ideal white image standard by altering themselves. They want to be free from Blackness and embarrassing traits, but can only hope to achieve this by cutting off a part of who they are.

Unfortunately, the distancing solution they are seeking - the problem they are trying to escape are two sides of the same coin. The more they pursue to become other than their Black self, the more they increase their judgment on who they really are. Shame and the pursuit of overcoming shame are thus often one and the same.

Moreover, Black shame may lead a Black person to make negative attributions about other Blacks that are disguised attempts to restore a positive self-view or hide negative self-perceptions in order to escape shame's self-diminishing effects. Thus a Black person attempts to bolster their own view of themselves by finding flaws in others so that they become the ones who are shameful.

This view of flaws in other Blacks also has collective self-sabotaging consequences; it fosters doubt and distrust that undermines racial 'Unity' preventing us from uniting to struggle for 'political self-determination' and 'economic self-reliance'.

Countering Black shame-based living is the process of transforming daily who one is and how one feels about oneself; it doesn’t come from changing who one is, but rather from truly embracing, knowing, becoming, developing, actualizing, and honoring who one is.

Countering Black shame-based living is to reject white paternalism and rid ourselves from approval seeking behavior by becoming unapologetically Black and self-validating!